What do guys want? I'll tell ya!

Christina Aguilera told us "What a Girl Wants" but who's gonna tell us what a man wants? It's a question that has been baffling women for centuries. The more we try to figure out the answer, the more confused we get. What exactly do men want? Everyone has their own ideas, opinions based on experiences. The conversations take a pretty wild turn when discussed by women over a bottle of wine. I figured I'd bypass the ladies go straight to the source. My friend Curtis is a real ladies-man..well, he was back in the day. He's engaged now. He loved the ladies and the girls loved his smooth charm, laid back attitude and that pearly white smile. I never got under his spell so to me he was just a cool dude who I can say anything to, do anything with and just be myself around. He shared his words of wisdom with me.

"Guys don't care if you talk to other guys. We don't care if you're friends with other guys. But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still there. We don't care if a guy calls you, but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned. Nothing is that important at 2 a.m. that it can't wait till the morning. Also, when we tell you you're pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/stunning, we really do mean it. Don't tell us we're wrong. We'll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence!!! Yeah, you can quote me. Don't be mad when we hold the door open. Take advantage of the mood i'm in. LET US PAY FOR YOU! DON'T "FEEL BAD" We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say "thank you." Kiss us when no one's watching. If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. You don't have to get dressed up for us. If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own. We like you for WHO you are and not WHAT you are. Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's. or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up [this is very true ladies]. Don't take everything we say so seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. Don't get angry easily. Stop using magazines/media as your bible. Don't talk about how hot George Clooney, Brad Pitt, or Matthew McConaughy is in front of us. It's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"? I'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted me with "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of. On the other hand i'm not saying i wouldn't like it either ; ) Girls, I cannot stress this enough: IF YOU AREN'T BEING TREATED RIGHT BY A GUY, DON'T WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. DITCH HIS SORRY, DISGRACE-TO-THE-MALE-POPULATION BUTT, AND FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH UTTER RESPECT!!!!!!!!! Someone who will honor your morals. Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes...say "i love you" and actually mean it."

I stumbled across this the other day. It's about 4 years old. It kinda made me regret losing touch with C. It's been almost 2 years that I've seen him or talked to him. Pretty pathetic huh. I'd love a good conversation with him right now. We had the best talks and laughed so much at the stupidest things. People watching with him was a hoot! Whatever happened to not looking back, right?

GarBage Sales

I remember going to garage sales as a little girl. To me, it was a whole new world full of cool knick-knacks,  furniture and toys...I was blown away by the toys; I was also between  nine and 12-years-old and have only moved to the states not too long ago. Now 20 years later I thought garage sales have become obsolete. Not so much! They're still going strong; nothing has changed-nothing but me. A girlfriend of mine had a garage sale a few weeks back and told me to come get her lawn furniture. I came over and it was in full swing. Cars were pulling up and the sales were hot! She had desks, chairs, lawn furniture, art, so many goodies! I picked up a beautiful bench and a table from her at dirt cheap prices. These are like Havertys or Ethan Allen pieces in great condition. I decided I'm hitting up garage sales. I got on craigslist, all the local newspapers and garage sale sites and mapped out my adventure. I started in Plano, the ad promised a smorgasbord of treasures. I guess the famous saying goes both ways...in my case it was more like" one man's treasure is another man's trash." I pulled up to a house in a nice Plano neighborhood and saw a beautiful couch table that would look great in the living room. I asked the woman how much she wanted for it. "65 dollars" she tells me. I caught myself in time not to blurt out "holy shit, what?!" I thanked her and she asks "well, what's your offer?" I said "it's nowhere near THAT!" I'd give them $15 for it...and that was only b/c I was in a good mood and felt like buying something at a garage sale. The woman then brought-in the big guns...the husband-to tackle THE BIG negotiating. "Well it's a $245 table" he tells me. OK great...I'm sorry am I at Haverty's right now? He proceeds to explain that they were asking $120 for it the day before but have now slashed prices and I can have it for only $45. I thanked him and turned to walk away. He says "what, no counteroffer?" I said "no sir, I don't want to offend you," and so started my treasure hunt around town. I figured I'd head over to Highland Park where the folks have deeper pockets and nicer things to sell. HA the joke was on ME! There were things for sale I wouldn't put out by the trash during daytime. These folks have no shame. At one of the sales I overheard a girl trying to convince a woman to buy her True Religion tank top for $20. TWENTY DOLLARS for a tank top at a garage sale? That thing had seen better days and looked dingy. The seller's close was "this top retailed for AT LEAST $45 at Northpark! You know Northpark mall, right? The upscale mall?" I felt sorry for the Hispanic woman. I wanted to tell her I have a bag of clothes she can HAVE...they also came from that same upscale mall and are in much better shape! Moving right along to the heart of Highland Park. A moving sale on Mockingbird looked promising. They had furniture, lamps and other home stuff. I found a cute lamp...it was one of those 6" lamps that would be a perfect night-light in the bathroom or on the stairwell. I figured she'd want about $5 for it and I'd roll her to $2. Plan set...let's go! HA! talk about sticker shock. She wanted $10 for that thing. REALLY? Am I at Haverty's again? Is the recession affecting garage sales or is the Texas heat starting to screw up everyone's reality? I let her keep her priceless night-light and left. The highlight of my trip was a stop at a sale I saw along the way. I parked across from a house with a beautiful royal blue Rolls Royce and a man was getting out of it. WOW...what a beautiful car and a gorgeous house. There was also a powder blue Jaguar in the driveway. I though, someone I've heard of must live here. Sure enough, it was "The Strong Arm" himself...Mr. Brian Loncar.
In the end, I felt jipped. It was my fault though. I can't expect everyone to have the amazing stuff and prices like my friend did at her sale. Today was the beginning and the end of my garage sale extravaganza. In the end I was burned out, I used up about a quarter tank of gas and came home empty handed.

The Master Cleanse AKA Lemonade Diet

NO food. NO juices. NOTHING but the lemonade...for 7 days. I decided to give this bad boy a shot.

 

Day 1: I was pretty anxious to start starving myself and see what this lemonade diet is all about.  It started out pretty easy. I think I was getting-by on sheer curiosity as to how this “lemonade” works.  I wasn’t hungry for most of the day. At about 3 o’clock visions of tomatoes and cucumbers danced in my head. I chugged my lemonade concoction and the visions eventually went away. Day 1- not too bad.

 

Day 2: You’re supposed to start the mornings with a Saltwater Flush…about a liter of it. The recipe comes with very specific instructions written in bold all caps…”DO NOT FART.” Point taken! I mixed my sea salt and water and figured I’d just chug it. BLEEEECH. I felt like I was drowning. The taste of salt water threw me back to Cancun when I ate sea water after an unsuccessful attempt to jump a wave. No salt water flush for me…I’d rather take an Ex-Lax.

That afternoon I had BBQ catered in to work for lunch. I wasn’t tempted to eat, ‘cause I was so full of water I could hear it swishing around in my stomach as I moved. Although, by about 3 o’clock the pickle chips looked soooo good. I could taste the pickle juice. I thought about taking a piece just to suck on it and spit it out, but then I knew that I’d eat that pickle so fast it wouldn’t know what hit it.

 

Day 3: Spent most of the day around food. Talk about a test of willpower. Grocery shopping then cooking dinner. I stayed strong…for the most part. I made salmon, roasted pesto potatoes, roasted asparagus, spinach salad with grapes and hazelnuts, I also roasted some hazelnuts and glazed them with honey. I can honestly say I didn’t sample anything while cooking…note I said “while cooking.” Will power started to slip at the dinner table. I caved…I devoured 3 stalks of asparagus and a handful of grapes. It tasted so good but then I was overcome with guilt. I mixed 4 glasses of the lemonade and chugged one after another, that made the urge to eat something go away, as there was no more room in my stomach for any food, much less a drop of water.

 

Day 4: Wild rice. Oh what I’d give for a bowl of wild rice with mushrooms right now. I wonder what I’m losing through the cleanse that my cravings vary. 

Day 5: Woke up with a slight headache that eventually went away. Nothing major. I started scrolling through the Rolodex of my fave foods in my head...nothing piqued my interest. GREAT I thought. No cravings, no hunger pains, no rumblings...I'm off to a great start. That all went down hill when I walked into Quick Trip to get some water. 

There they were...long, meaty, crispy taquitos, slowly spinning on the warmer under the bright lights. There were cheese taquitos, beef taquitos, nacho taquitos...and I wanted to devour every single one. To make matters worse, they were giving out free samples. I struggled while I stood in line but managed to get out of there with just water. Temptation averted!

 

Day 6: The urge for solid foods is behind me. I no longer want anything but my lemonade. I tried going on just water alone all day, but that made me super lightheaded. There really is something to the maple syrup and lemon juice concoction. It has calories, sugar and carbs from the maple syrup. I didn't add Cayenne pepper to the mix, I took supplements instead.

Day 7: I MADE IT! I wanted to celebrate by taking care of my Mexican food cravings. I treated myself to Guacamole. I didn't want to go crazy on meat and heavy foods so I don't hurt my stomach. It tasted so good, but then I felt awful. I felt heavy, lethargic and I wanted a nap. I never felt like that while on the master cleanse. I had energy and if I was hungry I just drank and drank drank. In the end I lost 9.2 lbs, lost cravings for sweets, meats and bread. I ate salads over the weekend, but I'm so ready to get back to my lemonade for round 2.